


find something that's enough

by gryffindortommo



Category: One Direction
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-27 05:14:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13241172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gryffindortommo/pseuds/gryffindortommo
Summary: Louis has always been a little reckless.  (Or what happened after the Brits 2016?)





	find something that's enough

**Author's Note:**

> This is just part of a daily writing exercise I'm challenging myself with. I haven't posted anything since like October of 2016, so I want to get back in the game. It's unbetaed, but it was fun.

Louis has always been a little reckless. He hasn’t thought so much about being careful because he’s never seen the point in it. Drink the extra pints. Jump in the car and just drive. Kiss the person you want to kiss. Don’t worry about the consquences until you're in the middle of them. Even then, it probably doesn’t mattter.

Louis likes to take things as they come. It’s why he and Liam didn’t get along at first. They never saw eye to eye. Louis didn’t like to think before he spoke or acted; Liam thought too much before he did anything, and it always drove Louis a bit mad.

When One Direction decided to take a break, Louis was suddenly left with too much time to do whatever he wanted and he almost immediately found that he missed that voice of reason he had had in Liam for all those years. It had been kind of nice finding that middle ground with someone who was so completely his opposite.

When they saw each other for the Brits so early on in the break, it was nice having that if only briefly. The conversation with Liam was easy in a way it had become over the years. It was hard to deny that Liam had become this person that could read Louis like a book, that knew him almost better than he knew himself. Too bad he’d gotten so drunk he can’t remember most of the night.

Louis' life without the band had been more unpredictable than he ever could have imagined. He was living in LA, something he’d never ever envisioned for himself. He had a child with a girl he couldn’t make it work with, and he wasn’t going to abandon his kid, even if it meant living his life away from everything he’d ever really known.

He’d lost touch with most of his friends over the years, aside from a few like Oli and Calvin who’d always stayed in the picture. 

When the band went on hiatus they’d talked a lot about what would happen to them as a group of friends. There’d been jokes about holidays and group texts and weekly check ins, but had felt like when you’re getting ready to leave school - you plan to keep in touch but everyone has their own lives.

It’s been months since the Brits and Louis has only spoken to Liam a couple of times, very briefly. He’s dealing with so much more now on top of it, going back and forth from LA to London so he can spend as much time with his mum as possible, and he’s tired.

He’s exhausted.

He hasn’t spoken with Liam in a couple of months and he’s getting ansty. He’s starting to feel that thrum under his skin - that reckless feeling where he just wants to run, to stay out all night and wake up with a stranger, to kiss someone he’s never met, to drive off without telling anyone, without a plan.

And so he does. He parties every night and it’s fun. He goes to Ibiza, to Vegas, to downtown in LA. He drinks a lot and he meets people and has fun and it’s fun. It is.

It’s not empty at all.

The day his mum dies, the first person he calls is Liam. He hasn’t spoken to Liam in months. He can’t remember why they stopped speaking. He’s sure there was a reason but he can’t remember. He needs to throw up. He knows Liam will know what to do, and he knows Liam will call the others.

He’s already scheduled to go on The X Factor.

His mum was supposed to be around for this.

It’s the first time he’s thought _maybe I can’t do this; maybe I can’t do this on my own; maybe I shouldn’t do this_ about anything in his life.

All of the lads show up and all of his sisters are there and he does it. He performs this song full of so much hope and so much happiness and he does it all without crying, which is what he so badly wants to do. 

After the show he waits until they’re clear of cameras and strangers and he collapses into a pile of this lads he thought he’d spend the rest of his life with and he clings to Liam and when the moment passes he acts like it was nothing, like he’s fine, like he’s always fine, even when everything is terrible.

He tells a joke, cracks a smile, and pops open a bottle of expensive champagne and they all laugh, but it doesn’t reach Liam’s eyes because Liam has always been able to see through him, ever since they found their middle ground. Sometimes he’s wonders if that’s why they stopped talking - if Louis was just tired of not being able to let loose without those giant, brown, questioning eyes.

Everyone leaves but Liam stays with him and Louis has had several glasses of too expensive champagne and he’s got that pulsing under his skin and he’s exhausted and he doesn’t care anymore, is tired of wondering.

“What happened after the Brits,” he asks.

“What?” Liam balls his fists up until his knuckles turn white and Louis is glad neither of them is driving. 

“With us? What happened? We stopped - its like we just stopped. We stopped talking, stopped hanging out. You were my best mate, and we haven’t even - you haven’t even met my son. What happened to us?”

“You don’t remember.” It’s not a question. Louis didn’t know there was anything to remember. He just stares at Liam, wide eyed, unsure and so so tired. “You - I mean, it wasn’t just you. It was me too. But then you didn’t really reach out and you didn’t say anything, so I just assumed you wanted it forgotten, so I let you go home and I let you forget and I figured it was better if I didn’t like. Bring it up.”

“Bring what up? Did I say something? I was really - “

“You kissed me - I mean we kissed each other. We actually had a pretty great snog, and then you kind of - you wanted it to go further but I was trying to just slow it down; I was confused and you were really drunk but before I could explain why I was stopping you you were calling your driving and going back to your hotel, so I just - I let you go. I figured you didn’t want to talk about it anymore, and then it was just easier to not talk at all, and then you had way more important things to worry about so I didn’t want to ask if you meant it, like, when you weren’t wasted.”

“I - oh.” Louis has always been reckless, and he’s always been more reckless when he’s drunk, but he hadn't expected this. “Sorry.” He’s drunk off expensive wine, and he’d been a bit of a knob to Liam already and now he’s probably going to do it again. “Sorry.”

“Don’t. Nothing happened. We’re okay. We’re good. It’s not - it doesn’t matter.”

“It doesn’t.” Louis has this sinking feeling in his stomach. “I’m going to be sick.”

“We’re here.” He pulls out his phone and pushes some buttons and after a few minutes Tommy and Lottie come out to help Louis inside. The door closes behind Liam and the car is gone and Louis wants to run after it. It’s what he would do if he weren’t being walked in. 

He wakes up the next morning in a soft, warm bed, and he only vaguely remembers the conversation with Liam, enough to remember that it’s his fault they stopped speaking. Louis wants to call. He’s hovering over Liam’s name, telling himself it doesn’t matter. Who cares about consequences. 

He can hear the girls talking in the next room. Briana is here now, probably dropping off Freddie, and Louis suddenly misses his son. His finger hovers over Liam’s name. He presses call.

Louis’ always been a little reckless; why stop now?


End file.
